Stressed

I am so stressed, I need a drink, lots of them actually.

 

I brought it on myself though.  The visit with his family is going well.  I am still stressing though.  I am not the perfect person these people are seeing.  I just happen to be having good days.  I don't know if I can continue 'til Sunday without a drink or pills or something.  I need something so bad right now my plan is to wait 'til after 5 to hit area ERs to try and get what I need.  Though getting vodka would probably be much easier.  The difference though is the pills do what the vodka does without the drunk part.  Aye Dios...

 

AND to top it off, I won't have either of my sons tomorrow.  I already wanna cry but I'm so agitated tears don't come.  I mean, like really, I have two sons and I'll be without both??? I knew of Matty already, but yesterday Scott calls me to tell me what time he plans on picking up Will on Thursday.  WTF......I look through the decree and sure enough, he will have Will, MY SON WILL on that day.  I so wish I could just punch this guy in his face, bring him to the ground and just stomp on him.  Life is so not fair.  I am stressing over everything whether it matters or not.

 

And he loves me, I'm stressing over that too.  What the fuck does that even mean?  He loves me.  I mean does that make things official now, Am I officially the girlfriend, is there no turning back now?  What have I commited myself to??? OMG, and my own mind fucks around with me, I am stressed and all I can do now is think of every ugly thing Gerry has ever told me.  Like not too long ago when he said I am not the kind of girl guys drop everything for.  WTF.  And now he loves me??? OMG, I so so so need a drink.  I am in over my head...and there is nobody to save me.  That was Scott's job, yeah that man that I so deserperately want to punch out right now.  He made my life OK.  Gerry lets me struggle.....OMG and I had to deal with all his kids yesterday, I hate the oldest, she is so like her fkn fat ass, old, bitter, too old mother.  The other two are normal, thankfully.  I hate her!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate everybody today.  And in what little down time I'm having I'm thinking of Jack and what might have been had I not been such a fuck up.  I need a drink.

 

I have more company coming in today. I'm not cooking dinner, Gerry's mom is, I'll be helping.  I've made these people happy at my expense.  Gerry is off tomorrow until Sunday, assuming the murder rate doesn't escalate the next few days, which I'm sure it will, that's all these fucking holidays are good for, bring out the ugly in people...

 

I need a drink, something, anything.

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Comments (5)

  1. wirelessguru1

    http://fierylady.thoughts.com/posts/stop—29

    December 24, 2014
  2. ru5ty

    Sorry for how you feel. I really hope that things become much clearer very soon. Please take care.

    December 24, 2014
    1. bechtol

      Thank you, Merry Christmas.

      December 25, 2014
      1. ru5ty

        You’re very welcome. Season’s Greetings, bechtol. (smiles)

        December 25, 2014
  3. This comment has been deleted
  4. juliedsimmons

    I think the life is the name of stress only. Every human is stressed because of something else. The difference is that some people get out of it without any special treatment by taking courage from uk essay service.

    March 07, 2017