Jeremy 3

He came home for Christmas break and we spent most of it together at my brother's place.  The night of the 23rd we had gone to the movies after the movie we grabbed nachos from Taco Bell and went off to the park. We sat in the car eating and once we were done we got off the car and went to sit at a picnic table.  It was night, not that late, but the place was pretty lit up.  We were near the tennis courts and apparently they're open 24 hours so it's always lit as well.  Little did I know I was minutes away from having my heart broke.  


Mind you, I was still so naive and stupid, I was totally expecting an engagement ring that Christmas.  HA! We're talking, when suddenly he says he has something serious we need to discuss.  Here it comes I thought, a proposal....But fuck NO.  He started some rambly shit, which should have made me realize he wasn't setting up a proposal.  Basically what he said was he thought we both should be seeing other people.  He thought we'd experience the college life much better if we were allowed to go out with other people.  But it got even better.......he loved me, and this wasn't a break-up and he wasn't talking about "dating" he just thought we should be free to hang out with others without fear of it being considered cheating.  Nothing would change for us, we'd still visit each other, still stay in contact just maybe seeing others.  ARE YOU FUCKIN' KIDDING ME??? Yeah, like that ever had a chance of flying with me.  Lucky for him back then I hadn't developed the knack for punching people in the face. No. I didn't even say a word.  When he asked what I thought about that.  I just got up from the table and walked away, and not to his vehicle either.  I headed in the opposite direction into a neighborhood where I knew a convenience store was where I could call somebody to come pick me up.  He followed me through the field for a bit begging me to stop, I was crying, but still didn't bother to say anything to him.  He left back for his car and I guess ended calling my sister because by the time I reached the road my sister was close by.  I didn't even tell her what happened other than to say we had broke up.


The following morning (24th) he went to my brother's and I told the bro to tell him I wasn't there.  Surprisingly he listened to me.  He asked my bro to tell me to call him.  He had been calling me but of course I didn't pick up.  He also left a Christmas gift.  Once he left, I unwrapped the present very carefully.  It was not the ring I expected obviously. It was a bracelet, one that I had mentioned previously that I wanted.  I wrapped the gift back up and told the bro to return it to him.  Afterwards I changed both my phone number and my email. We never spoke again.  I didn't even attempt to get in touch.  I hated him. (at that time).  I figured he was no better than my parents.  He tried staying in touch with my brother and sisters  (he has two younger brothers and by this time in the relationship we all hung out together) but they eventually lost touch.  On the rare occasion over the years that I'd run into his parents I wouldn't even ask about him, nor did they offer any info.  I'm sure they were pleased as punch that I was no longer part of his life.  Little did they know what was to come.


It was five years later when I met Scott and two months after that I was supposed to be moving to Dallas with him and his kiddos.  I was kind of scared of making the move and for some reason Jeremy came to mind.  I search for him on the internet.  I knew by this time he'd graduated and I had heard through the grapevine that he was in Atlanta.  Finally I called his parents to ask for a number and they said for me to leave mine and they'd pass that on and if he wanted he'd get a hold of me. Bless their hearts, they did.  He called me, we talked on the phone for about two or three hours.  Long story short, he said whenever I was in the area to go visit him.  At this point, I had given notice at work (yes, I actually held down a job at one time) and my lease was up, I had asked to remain an extra two weeks. So, not knowing if the Dallas move was the thing to do, I packed a bag and the cat and off we went to Atlanta.  


Jeremy had changed, he was very handsome, he wasn't the boyish goofball I dated in high school.  He looked like a grown man, he was my type of guy.  I hung around Atlanta, at his place, for the next 10 days.  We had a good time.  On day seven we had was fantastic!!! It wasn't awkward like it once had been.  (this is how stupid our sex was back before--it consisted of missionary style and the whole time I'd have have my face covered with my hands--and he'd tell me, "stop doing that, you're making me nervous" lol) This was great sex though, the next three days were filled with non stop sex.  On day 10 I headed back to Texas and to Scott.  Jeremy and I hadn't reconnected, not that it was expected.  We were fine.  In the next year Scott and I would break up at least twice and both times instead of heading back home I went off to Atlanta to stay with Jeremy and clear my head.  The third trip is when I ended up getting pregnant with our Matty.  (Did I say that?? He's really 'mine').


We have our ups and downs now.  I know I've described that pregnancy in a previous blog.  Today, we get along for the most part.  At times I hate him, when I'm doing good mentally I will acknowledge that he is a great father and his parents are the best grandparents.  Matty is very fortunate to have them.  (my parents are not active in either of my son's lives) Jeremy's parents also treat my second son, Will as their grandson.  Come holidays and birthdays Will gets the same treatment as the big bro, for that matter so do I. When I am living back in the hometown they are Will's babysitter as well.  I guess they are good people...


No matter how well we might get along, and no matter that we have a son together now, nothing matters..........the fact is he chose Auburn over me.  I was not important enough for him to take a stand against his parents for.  That will never change, he left me.  They all do.  Cuz I'm not worth people dealing with I guess.

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Comments (1)

  1. ru5ty

    You are definitely worth it, bechtol. Please do not blame yourself, for nothing that has happened is because of actions that you have taken. The actions of others that have entered your beautiful life cannot be ignored by those people. Please take good care and please note also here that there are many people that truly care for you and your wellbeing. You matter, bechtol.

    January 24, 2015