This time of the year always reminds me of Jack. You know how Scott and I were constantly having break-ups? Well during one of those break-ups I met, married and divorced Jack, all very quickly.
Before I tell the story of Jack, let me briefly mention Mr Obsession. I met him online August 2010. He was a good looking man, we continued chatting. His job has him traveling so we'd only chat every third day when he was back at the hotel. Aside from good looks, he was (is) brilliantly intelligent. He had it all. I enjoyed our chats, the constant flirtation. I always looked forward to his hotel days. At first it never went beyond that, than idk, a couple months later during one of our chats he said something that totally caught me offguard. He said the days before returning on the road he had spend a good part of his night figuring out how he could have me in his life. (He's married.) He went on mentioning how he thought of various surrounding towns that I could live in and still be able to have a good job. (By the time we 'met' I was back in Austin, Scott and I had moved there so I could finish up my last year of college--which didn't happen that year either.) I was stunned to hear him say all this and I guess I must have been silent too long because he went on to try and defend all that by saying he was't some kind of psycho, he had just had too much too drink that night and that's where his drunken state had taken him...thoughts of getting me to his home state. WOW!
That's all it took for this obsession to take hold. I was totally floored that he'd think of me in that way. This guy, again, was hot, intelligent, just like so, so out of my league. In real life guys like him don't pay attention to girls like me. Beyond sex anyway. But I was hooked. November 23, 2010 we started with the phone calls. So from that point on we went from chatting to talking on the phone, phonesex included, obviously. I've had a very chaotic life these last almost five years, my real life has me in constant break-ups with Scott, both my sons were conceived during breakups, yeah, I'm fucked up...But through it all, Mr Obsession was the only constant in my life. Looking back I don't see how I thought I loved him and yet never made it to Illinois. I guess maybe somewhere deep down I knew, I was not anywhere close to being good enough for him. We ended all contact last year in October, it was a somewhat mutual decision. My other blog is dedicated to him. His name is not James Harper, that was his online name (again, married). His name was Matthew, hence the name for my firstborn son. I didn't know Matt's middle name at the time or else my son would have his middle name as well. My obsession with this man has cost me a lot in my real life. He was a constant cause for fights between me and Scott. It caused a rift between me and two of my siblings at some point, mainly I think because they (or at least my sister) was in touch with him begging him to stay away from me and block me and just ignore me because our contact was causing much destruction in my real life. In Matt's defense, I think by that time he probably wished we'd never 'met', but he knew I was unbalanced and I'm sure he thought I was more than capable of showing up at his front doorstep and causing him real life troubles. I wouldn't have even done that, but of course he wasn't so sure about that.
Once in a great while my mind goes to him, but not too often. On my good days I realize if he had been serious about me, he could have made us happen. But, whatever.
I brought him up because he played a big part in the end to that first marriage. By the time though my journey to insanity had already been triggered and sooner or later we would have been divorcing. BUT, if truth be told, if I could turn back time, I'd go back to that period in my life. I think he and I were on a more equal level. I was always comfortable with him.