One day last week, I dropped off Will at his grandmother's and instead of heading to my AA meeting, I went off to catch a movie. It was the Jennifer Lopez movie, which was sorry as shit. If it weren't for some good looking guy that I could peek up at in the projection booth my time there would have been shot to hell.
That night over supper I told Gerry I thought I was going to go make an application for a job. He was all for that. Mainly just because he (like others before him) think a job would take up my time. He was for it 'til I said I wanted to work at a movie theater working in the projection booth. It takes so little to set him off.....he said no girlfriend of his was going to work at the movies, blah, blah, blah. When I asked what was wrong with working there, he said nothing but he wasn't about to tell people I worked there if asked what I did, he said I may as well be working upfront selling tickets. That probably wouldn't be as much fun, at least in the projection booth I could actually watch a movie, and I'm assuming popcorn is free. I argue there is nothing wrong with working there. He asked what the hell was wrong with me that I had a degree and yet I keep choosing menial jobs. If I don't have to work--as in my income isn't needed to survive, than what the hell does it matter where I work or what I'm earning, right? He doesn't see it that way. This fight abruptly ended when he said he may as well be living with a fkn wetback, that and telling me I have low self esteem issues. I told him he was right, I was with him that must mean I think so little of myself.
I was done. Just done. He crossed a fkn line calling me a wetback. This was my wknd to see Matty. I packed clothes for me and Will, packed up the cat and headed for home. Once my dad and bro found out I wasn't planning on heading back to Dallas they said I couldn't stay with them. They expect some kind of showdown once Gerry realizes I'm not heading back. I'm not sure why they're scared of Gerry and why they think they'd be caught up in any fighting, but I had no place to stay. Jeremy told me to stay at his place, but instead I am at his parents place, at least 'til Monday.
I hate my life. I hope this doesn't play out with me having to crawl back to him...