Home Alone

One day last week, I dropped off Will at his grandmother's and instead of heading to my AA meeting, I went off to catch a movie.  It was the Jennifer Lopez movie, which was sorry as shit.  If it weren't for some good looking guy that I could peek up at in the projection booth my time there would have been shot to hell.

 

That night over supper I told Gerry I thought I was going to go make an application for a job.  He was all for that.  Mainly just because he (like others before him) think a job would take up my time.  He was for it 'til I said I wanted to work at a movie theater working in the projection booth.  It takes so little to set him off.....he said no girlfriend of his was going to work at the movies, blah, blah, blah.  When I asked what was wrong with working there, he said nothing but he wasn't about to tell people I worked there if asked what I did, he said I may as well be working upfront selling tickets.  That probably wouldn't be as much fun, at least in the projection booth I could actually watch a movie, and I'm assuming popcorn is free.  I argue there is nothing wrong with working there.  He asked what the hell was wrong with me that I had a degree and yet I keep choosing menial jobs.  If I don't have to work--as in my income isn't needed to survive, than what the hell does it matter where I work or what I'm earning, right? He doesn't see it that way.  This fight abruptly ended when he said he may as well be living with a fkn wetback, that and telling me I have low self esteem issues.  I told him he was right, I was with him that must mean I think so little of myself.  

 

 

I was done.  Just done.  He crossed a fkn line calling me a wetback.  This was my wknd to see Matty.  I packed clothes for me and Will, packed up the cat and headed for home.  Once my dad and bro found out I wasn't planning on heading back to Dallas they said I couldn't stay with them.  They expect some kind of showdown once Gerry realizes I'm not heading back.  I'm not sure why they're scared of Gerry and why they think they'd be caught up in any fighting, but I had no place to stay.  Jeremy told me to stay at his place, but instead I am at his parents place, at least 'til Monday. 

 

I hate my life.  I hope this doesn't play out with me having to crawl back to him...

 

 

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Comments (9)

  1. killingtime

    Wow, lots of interesting things in your blog.
    .
    He was for it ‘til I said I wanted to work at a movie theater working in the projection booth. It takes so little to set him off…..he said no girlfriend of his was going to work at the movies, blah, blah, blah. When I asked what was wrong with working there, he said nothing but he wasn’t about to tell people I worked there if asked what I did, he said I may as well be working upfront selling tickets.
    .
    I find his stance about a projection booth “strange”. I would view that as a more skilled job than selling tickets. On the other hand I would assume that would be a fairly hard job to get.
    .
    and I’m assuming popcorn is free.
    .
    I wouldn’t assume that. Just like working in a place making burgers generally doesn’t give you free food.
    .
    He asked what the hell was wrong with me that I had a degree and yet I keep choosing menial jobs.
    .
    I view that as a valid question. Why wouldn’t you want to work in a field that you were trained in?
    .
    If I don’t have to work—as in my income isn’t needed to survive, than what the hell does it matter where I work or what I’m earning, right?
    .
    So the question is, where do you get the money to live? If you get it from him then again that’s kind of a valid question. If not, then it’s not of his business. Of course he “could” be looking at you & thinking that you have a lot of potential & are throwing it away doing “nothing” type jobs. Just guessing because I don’t know.
    Funny on this one though. After my wife retired she went back to school & got a couple of degree’s. After she graduated she felt guilty for not using them so she went back to work. I went the other way on it (different than Gerry). I wanted her to have a “hobby” type job with few hours so that she could enjoy life more. I figured that she could do that because we didn’t need the money (it’s a nice place to be in life).
    .
    He doesn’t see it that way. This fight abruptly ended when he said he may as well be living with a fkn wetback, that and telling me I have low self esteem issues. I told him he was right, I was with him that must mean I think so little of myself.
    .
    Sounds like something that has been building up for a while. Both your & Gerry’s comments were probably below the belt. Funny though, I would take the low self esteem issues comment as a complement. To me that means that you are worth more than you think you are.

    February 01, 2015
    1. bechtol

      I don’t have to work because he supports me, and we struck that deal early on that if I’m the gf I’m not working. Once in a great while I’ll decide I want to work…I also get a very nice amount of child support from Scott. It’s actually enough to live on if I weren’t with Gerry—-well maybe not in Dallas, I’m sure the rent that I can afford on that child support would not be an area where I’d be ok (as in safe) to live in. But here in my hometown, even though it’s a college town I can still live on just the child support. However if I’m staying here most likely by the end of the week I’ll be towing cars and fixing flats for my dad once again. Currently that child support goes directly to the bank and I only don’t really use it, Gerry insists on that so that if Scott ever wants to raise a big deal about it I can account for every dime spent…..I have a journalism degree…I have no interest in it, I was just to lazy to change my major back then…I had no intention of ever working, I want to be married and as such it would be the man’s responsibility to take care of me. It really shouldn’t matter where I work….to me it was about image and how it makes him look. I don’t see the difference in me working in a movie theater or out somewhere putting my degree to use. He was just being an ass. I don’t see how him telling me I have a low self esteem is supposed to be meant as a compliment, if he wanted it to mean something nice he could have certainly worded it differently. Such as, “You’re too good to waste your time at a movie theater” or some such thing. Since money isn’t an issue with me, it doens’t matter to me where I earn it.

      February 01, 2015
      1. killingtime

        He was just being an ass. I don’t see how him telling me I have a low self esteem is supposed to be meant as a compliment, if he wanted it to mean something nice he could have certainly worded it differently.
        .
        To me the way he worded it was a plus for you. As in “You think that you are less than you are”. But I wasn’t there & taken out of context plus removing the tone of his voice & the way he said it his meaning could have been different.

        February 01, 2015
    2. bechtol

      I am returning to school this fall….I’m looking to earn teaching credentials. This only interests me because my second son, Will, is a special needs child and I’d like to be employed with whatever school district my son attends. Not as his teacher, but in the same school. Will turns two in April, so I have three years to complete/meet the requirements. (it’s not going to take me that long if I actually apply myself, but at least I know I have three years to do it.)

      February 01, 2015
      1. killingtime

        As for teaching, I haven’t heard anything good about that job in years. A friend of ours retired from it last year & couldn’t wait. Funny thing is the she is working as a substitute teacher because the money is so good. (I guess we have a shortage of teachers here. I don’t even think that they need a teaching degree.).

        February 01, 2015
        1. bechtol

          The school district in my hometown doesn’t require a degree to be a sub. I suppose I could be a sub if I wanted. Yes I’m not crazy about the teaching profession either, but as I said, I can spend the day at whatever school my son ends up attending. As far as pay goes, I probably make as much towing cars. It’s not about the money though.

          February 01, 2015
        2. bechtol

          I just looked up teachers’ salaries in the Austin area and I was wrong about the pay. I make below the lowest paid teachers driving a tow truck.

          February 01, 2015
          1. killingtime

            My Thoughts: Teaching used to be a noble, respected calling. Back when I was a kid if I got in trouble with a teacher, I was in big trouble at home. Now days it’s viewed as the teachers fault even by those in the school system (even here in Texas). That shift in thinking plus the lack of good parents has caused a lot of the social problems that we are having today. Now days being a teacher is a harsh under paying job.
            .
            As for women in general: I believe that every one of them should work or be able to work. That’s because they need to be able to make their way in the world without a man. To often women get trapped with a guy & stay with him just because she has no other options. Every woman should have options.
            .
            I think that the tow truck option sounds pretty good. Tow trucks won’t be replaced with something else any time soon.
            .
            My one other suggestion is after you start working start investing part of your money for retirement (in something other than a bank). Women can live another 25 years after they reach retirement age & you need to have investments so that you can enjoy life during that period.

            February 01, 2015
            1. bechtol

              I don’t see myself doing anything alone for too long. I don’t have it in me…

              February 01, 2015