He's Gone

Gerry and I are officially broken up.

 

I had some kind of wake up moment and thought to myself, wtf am I doing.  He is not who I want, I mean he is ok, I just realized I don't love him, I probably never can and we really have no future together.  I don't like his family, well, the way I should, I mean after all they'll be around forever.  No, he isn't the one for me.

 

Would it be low of me to say that it saddens me he didn't fight to keep me? I am kind of messed up in that way I guess.  I'm ok.

 

I went shopping yesterday for my new place.  Mainly pictures, comforter sets and other home decor items.  I have actual furniture--Scott's cast offs and TVs.  I am excited about moving and maybe starting over.  I think I can do this alone, if my dad thinks I have it in me, than maybe I do.  And, I know it isn't going to be easy at times, but....I won't crumble and wanna die, or drink.  That's a big part of going at it alone, remaining sober at all times. 

 

This will be my new begining.

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Comments (8)

  1. killingtime

    Would it be low of me to say that it saddens me he didn’t fight to keep me? I am kind of messed up in that way I guess.
    .
    Most women would understand that feeling (I think). Most guys would think WTH, that doesn’t make sense. There was a book long ago that was titled “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”. Totally wrong title. Mars & Venus are way way to close together for there to be a real comparison with men & women.

    February 26, 2015
    1. bechtol

      Well he probably knew where this was headed once I refused the ring and got my own place here. He probably thought he was to old to carry on a long distance relationship.

      Women are complicated, aren’t we? lol

      February 27, 2015
      1. killingtime

        Women are complicated, aren’t we? lol
        .
        It’s kind of funny. It wasn’t that long ago that people were living in caves (when they could find them) & look how far we have come. Gone to the moon, cell phones, computers, all in very little time. Yet men are no closed to understanding women than they were in the cave man days. Now that’s COMPLICATED!

        February 27, 2015
  2. snookdude

    strange … maybe she didn’t like any of the company?

    February 27, 2015
  3. perkyparky

    hey Sarah! I miss our conversations at that other web site. I think it is brave of you to go it alone but
    as an addict who reached my rock bottom on DEcember 31. 2001 i sooooo hope you can stay sober.
    How much time will you hsve the boys for? The more time with Matt and Will the better,,,i know you didnt ask but that is my 2 cents

    March 05, 2015
    1. bechtol

      We’re together I just haven’t had time to blog it. I am staying put though, I move in today. Signed the lease yesterday and moved lightweight stuff in. Cable goes on tomorrow. I hope I remain sober too. I don’t go much to pdc. When I manage to get in it runs extremely slow and forget about sending messages! Anyway glad to see you again and this site suddenly decided to let me add you weird.

      March 05, 2015
    2. bechtol

      BTW I have Will all the time except for his wknd with Scott. The last couple of weeks Scott’s been driving up every Wednesday to take Will for his two hours—which has turned into four cuz I’m a nice person and want to make it worth his drive. Matty I see daily because I’ve been staying at Jeremy’s parents place. I’ll still see him everyday because I’ll do lunch there. I will be taking him to my place every other wknd starting next wknd. I’m OK.

      March 05, 2015
  4. perkyparky

    i am sorry i have not responded to your texts above until now. I’ve been having problems with this computer but now I think i have it working again Some thing always bring me back here and to your blogs. You are amazing!! More to come, I promise! Where is it best to write back and forth ? On this strand? Still sober??

    March 21, 2015