Perks. I called Gerry today. He helped me set up a water slide. We had lunch. After everything he told me not to contact him again. Apparently I'm not worth him losing his job over. He said so. Everybody always leaves me. I hate when I have to beg somebody to want me. Have I mentioned lately that I hate my life? I do.
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Comments (4)

  1. Munkyman

    Its not about if he wants you, Scott wants you. For Gerry it’s about his pension, it’s about the quality of his retirement & if his wife takes 1/2 or more of everything from him. You’re not “special” in his world, he is… there will be another woman or girl who likes that he’s a cop & he can do it all over again with far fewer headaches because he’s in the power position, all he has to do is stay there.
    .
    What’s to hate, a very understanding & extremely supportive husband who professes to love you as much as it appears? Two young boys who depend on you or a reasonably fun very flexible job working with family? I’m sorry but, self pity doesn’t fly very well with me. Work it out, you have every reason to love life… except you don’t (Today) & that means therapy/rehab to figure out why, so you have fewer of these days & more good days.

    June 29, 2014
    1. bechtol

      I hate when people point out the things that I have as if that automatically should make me happy. I don’t hate my life because somebody walked out (everybody always does leave though). I hate my life because it’s hard. I’m a fkd up person I don’t deserve thelife I’ve been blessed with. I keep waiting for it to come crashing down. I hate that I can’t be happy. I hate the fact that I have to drink or whatever to make me forget who I am. I hate that I need to be told (constantly) that I’m ok. And because apparently everybody thinks I should be happy I feel guilty for not being.

      June 29, 2014
      1. Munkyman

        I’m not pointing out “things” they don’t mean much. I pointed at people because they’re worth it.
        I’m also not saying you should be happy & certainly not all the time.
        I am saying that this is a perfect reason why no matter how you feel the day you go in you really should go to rehab,
        it’s not going to be easy, we both know that. They’re worth it or they aren’t, if it were just you & no one else ever knew you or loved you then hey if you want to spiral down til you splatter, that’s all on you but, you have kids & you owe them a mom who’s a fighter who faces her issues & gets up when knocked down. Who eventually learns from her mistakes because that will have a profound impact on who they are… for their kids.

        June 29, 2014
  2. bechtol

    And I hate that Im able to do stupid things and have nobody call me out on it.

    June 29, 2014